Taking care of others starts by taking care of yourself

"In case of cabin depressurization, an oxygen mask will automatically drop. Please place the mask over your mouth and nose before assisting others."

I heard this phrase on a flight this weekend and it still seemed so counterintuitive to me. Because instinctively, I would tend to take care of others first. Especially if I perceive them as "weaker", less fortunate or less capable than me. And even more so if they are my children.

It doesn't make any sense when you think about it logically. Because imagine the situation... You went out of your way to put their oxygen mask first but now they have no adult left to take care of them because you're literally choking and grasping for air next to them.

But often, when something doesn't make "logical" sense, the answer lies in subconscious programming - in deeply ingrained beliefs. That's true for my clients and it's true for me.

And in my initial programming, there is:

A little girl who saw her mother bend over backwards for her children, putting herself last as long as we were okay...

A young girl who always heard the greatest praise about mothers who sacrificed themselves for their children.

And there is also the woman I am today who often hears that it's selfish to take care of oneself or to listen to oneself. Or that asking for help to cope with difficulties is a sign of weakness.

So naturally, I still have some resistance, every now and then, when I make room for my desires, passions, and ambitions... Alongside the other priority that are my children.

And this resistance takes the form of a small voice that whispers...

"But what kind of mother are you to devote so much time to yourself?"

"What kind of mother are you to start a business when your children are so young?"

"What kind of mother are you to not dedicate every minute of your time to your children when they're at home?"

As much as I welcome this little voice with compassion because I understand where she comes from, I'm always firm in my response to her :

"I am the kind of mother who puts on her oxygen mask first."

"I am the kind of mother who devotes 'so much time' to better understand herself, regulate her own emotions, and better welcome theirs."

And "I am the kind of mother who pursues her passions and ambitions hoping that other mothers and women feel inspired to do the same."

By having this conversation over and over again, the little voice has less and less to say because it gradually integrates that this is the best configuration for everyone to win : my children, my clients, my family, and just as importantly : ME.

The configuration in which everyone has their own oxygen mask securely in place, takes care of themselves, and can take care of others even better.

What do you think?

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